See You Again
by JMoonrise
Summary: All she wanted to do was see him again. After everything from almost being blown up, to ex-wives and elevator proposals, there was only one thing she wanted even after seventeen years.


**A/N- I wanted their happy ending more than anything. After everything she's gone through (which is more than I know of any person real or fictional), she didn't deserve to lose her husband especially like** **that.**

* * *

 _It's been a long day without you, my friend_

 _And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again_

 _We've come a long way from where we began_

 _Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again_

 _When I see you again_

 _(Hey)_

Meredith Grey sat by the window, watching as the rain poured outside. Seattle had been her home for most of her life except for some years spent on the east coast. It had been a year. A whole year without the one person who truly completed her.

Derek may not have understood everything about her, but he tried as best he could. He didn't let her get all dark and twisty. He pursued her and forgave her time and again until it all clicked one day. There weren't any vets, ex-wives, sisters, nurses, dead mothers, and deadbeat fathers in the way. It was finally just them.

They were in a good place for the first time after two years of struggling. Then finally after another three years, one planning a wedding and one with post-it note nuptials, they were legally married. She belonged to him and was tied to him forever. In her world there was no room for divorce, not after everything they had gone through together.

"Derek," she laughed hollowly. "It's been an entire year. I can't say where the time has gone. But I had our baby. Her name is Ellis as you probably know. She looks like you. I think she got my hair though. She's a quiet baby. She's only a couple months, but I promise to tell her all about you. I took Zola to visit you earlier, I'm not sure what she said at your grave. I let her have her time. She cried in my arms afterwards." A sigh escaped her as she let herself actually think about him. She spent almost an entire year running away from anything that reminded her of him. San Diego allowed her to run from her problems, but he was always there at the forefront of her mind. He was the guy in the bar, McDreamy, the love of her life, her post-it note husband, her legal husband, and the father of her children. He was all she needed. And he was gone. He was dead.

She thought about the last time she saw him alive. It was in their dream house. The house he built just for her.

" _I'll be back soon. You know that." He told her in that McDreamy voice of his._

 _She nodded. "I know. I know. I just feel like I just got you back, and now you're going again, and I just have to stay here." Logically she knew this, but that didn't mean she liked it. She wanted him there with her and their kids._

 _He smiled and his eyes twinkled. "You're right. You do. You have to. Stay here. Don't move. Wait for me." Those were the last words he ever said to her face. He was full of hope. They were going to try for another kid. He was quitting D.C. for her and their family. He was choosing her._

 _She would have no idea that hours later he would be helping save the lives of others as a result of teenage idiocy. Or that after saving all those people he would end up being hit by a truck, and then because of the incompetency of doctors, everything that made him Derek was gone. Her husband was dead. All she had left besides their kids was that last voicemail of him telling her how happy he was, and that he couldn't wait to return to her and their family. She got to hear him talk about ferryboats one last time. It was his thing. She remembered the first time he talked about his fascination for them._

 _It was in the elevator because that's where all their memorable conversations seemed to take place. "Seattle has ferryboats."_

 _She stared at him in disbelief. Was he actually serious? "Yes?"_

 _"I didn't know that. I've been living here for six weeks. I didn't know there were ferryboats."_

 _Meredith was positive this was the weirdest conversation she had ever had. "Seattle is surrounded by water on three sides."_

 _Couldn't the elevator go faster? Why did fate insist on tempting and torturing her? "_ _Hence the ferryboats. Now I have to like it here. I wasn't planning on liking it here. I'm from New York, genetically engineered to dislike everywhere, except Manhattan. I have a thing for ferryboats." She thanked whatever higher power there was because finally the elevator doors opened._

"I guess that dream I had was foreshadowing. It just wasn't when I thought it was going to be. Everything was so happy after I finally got all whole and healed, and I had this reoccurring nightmare where you died. It started with you saying those words 'stay here. Wait for me.' And then you ended up in an accident and died." She wiped away a few stray tears. Talking to him was cathartic, but at the same time it broke her heart. It was like a thousand knives stabbing her in the heart every time because it reminded her of the truth. Derek was dead. She had to say the words out loud otherwise she would pretend.

The sound of the pitter patter of tiny feet drew her attention. "I'll talk to you later. I love you. I better go see what your spawn are doing." She giggled because those kids were definitely his children.

~~~~~MD~~~~~MD~~~~~MD~~~~~MD~~~~~MD~~~~~

Fortunately or unfortunately for her, she was accustomed to fate not favoring her. From the moment she was consciously aware, she knew there was something different about her than others. For instance while most mothers cherished their children, her mother hated her mere presence. Her career was more important than raising her daughter. Meredith suffered from neglect, but somehow she managed to persevere. She kept going. She had to.

Her dad had abandoned her and started a new family. Her mother was gone and she was left to her own devices. She was independent and closed off. It was hard for her to let people in because they always left in the end. She intentionally drove people off because it hurt to lose them in the end. She spent much of her early adulthood partying and drinking until the moment her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. That changed the whole direction of her life.

Derek changed her life. From the moment they met at that bar, the course of her life veered off into a direction she had never pictured for herself. She got married. She had kids. And then she lost the love of her life. The people she loved always left in the end, and Derek dying was another example of that.

~~~~~~MD~~~~~MD~~~~~MD~~~~~MD~~~~~

 _Damn, who knew?_

 _All the planes we flew_

 _Good things we've been through_

 _That I'll be standing right here talking to you_

 _'Bout another path_

 _I know we loved to hit the road and laugh_

 _But something told me that it wouldn't last_

 _Had to switch up_

 _Look at things different, see the bigger picture_

 _Those were the days_

 _Hard work forever pays_

Now I see you in a better place (see you in a better place)

Derek was the one variable she had never factored into her plans. He was this unchanging force that pursued her. For the first time in her life, someone actually wanted her and it frightened her. It was thrilling how much he wanted her. But it was terrifying how much she felt for him because he had the power to completely destroy her.

He made her believe in hope and love. For the first time, Meredith believed in fate, destiny, or whatever. The stars had aligned and given her Derek. They then decided to take him away after only nine years together and after six technical years of marriage. He wasn't the first person she lost, but his death had affected her unlike any other event she had lived through.

It was ironic really after everything he died as a result of poor healthcare. He could've pulled through from the collision, but because the hospital wasn't prepared to deal with something as severe as his injuries they ignored the pressing matter of his head injury.

She laughed inappropriately when she thought of it. It wasn't funny, but at the same time it was. She had almost been blown up, drowned, had a miscarriage, watched as her husband was shot, almost lost her baby, her career, and marriage, the plane crash, and then almost bled out after giving birth, and yet in the end none of that even amounted to the pain and suffering losing Derek had caused her.

 _Uh_

 _How can we not talk about family when family's all that we got?_

 _Everything I went through you were standing there by my side_

 _And now you gon' be with me for the last ride_

Meredith's heart ached when she thought about the last time he came back for her. When he fought for her because he didn't want to lose her. He wanted her and their family.

" _I am calling post-it, Zola, Bailey, the tumors on the wall, ferryboat scrub caps. I thought D.C. was everything. I was wrong. You... you're everything. I love you and I'm not going to stop loving you. I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you, and I'm going to do everything in my power to prove it." She hadn't been prepared for his speech when she got home. He was saying what she had wanted to hear since the fight about D.C. first started._

 _Ever since she found out about it there had been fighting on both sides. They continued to argue whenever they were left together. And now he was back, and he was admitting that none of it was worth it without it her._

 _She just stared at him. It was all she could do. Because she wanted it too, and it was finally within her grasp._

~~~~~MD~~~~~MD~~~~~MD~~~~~MD~~~~~MD~~~~~

 _It's been a long day without you, my friend_

 _And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again (I see you again)_

 _We've come a long way (yeah, we came a long way) from where we began (you know we started)_

 _Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I'll see you again (let me tell you)_

 _When I'll see you again_

"Hey mom," Zola greeted her. Meredith smiled, but it was more of an appeasement.

Her prognosis wasn't good. She had guessed it in the beginning, but she officially knew. She had familial Alzheimer's just like her mother. The gene had been passed onto her. Her memory at first wasn't too affected. It was only things like misplacing her keys, or getting confused about where she was.

Then she forgot her children. Meredith couldn't remember Ellis first. Her daughter had called her mother from a summer program, and it was that day that they realized something was wrong. Meredith didn't know who was calling her. She couldn't recognize her own daughter's voice at first.

Ellis then called Zola who arranged for Cristina to visit because something wasn't right. Cristina knew when she saw the lost look in Meredith's eyes that it was what Meredith had feared for so long.

" _Where's Derek?" It was the first question she asked HER person._

 _Cristina's eyes widened. "Uh Mer, do you know what year it is?"_

 _Meredith stared at her friend strangely. "Cristina," she smiled simply. "It's two-thousand and nine."_

 _It was then that she knew something was very wrong. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's actually two-thousand twenty-nine."_

 _Laughter bubbled out of her. Her friend couldn't be serious, but as she stared at her friend, she realized she wasn't laughing with her. The smile fell off of her face. "I have it? Don't I?" Her eyes averted to the floor and she soon found herself on the floor._

 _It was unusual for Cristina to get emotional, but she was. Her friend was slowly losing her memories. "Meredith?" She called softly. She was being patient because this was Meredith._

" _Cristina, what are you doing here? I thought you were enjoying your power in Switzerland. Why'd you fly all the way out here?"_

" _What year is it?"_

" _Are you okay? It's two-thousand twenty-nine. Now why are you here in my house?"_

" _Mer," and then she gave her the eyes. It was always the eyes that told patients it was bad news. The eyes conveyed more than words ever could._

 _Meredith cried. She actually cried. It was something she hadn't done in a longtime. "I-I d-d-didn't think," she hiccupped. "I-I-I n-never w-w-wanted this to happen. You know it seemed like a possibility, but it never felt real."_

 _Cristina gathered her up in her arms. It wasn't supposed to be her doing this. It was supposed to be Derek. It had been fourteen years since he died. She couldn't leave Meredith on her own. "I know." She whispered._

Over the next year, she deteriorated quickly. Some days she barely recognized anyone. The only name she ever responded to was Derek. He was in her veins. He was embedded so deeply into her soul that nothing not even Alzheimer's could make her forget him.

It was during that year that she read her book. It helped.

Meredith knew her chances of getting Alzheimer's or her disease as Derek once called it was extremely likely. The thing was she didn't want to forget her life. She didn't want to forget her friends and family, the good times, and even the bad times. She carried it all around with her until she wrote her book, _Grey's Anatomy_. The book detailed her life from the beginning of her surgical internship at Seattle Grace until just after Derek died. Each chapter started with her own internal thoughts.

" _This is how my mother wanted to be remembered. My memory of her is a little bit different. I'm sure everyone remembers their own version of her. Versions I wouldn't even recognize. It's all that's really left of someone when they're gone. But that's the tricky thing. Nobody's memory is perfect or complete. We jumble things up. We lose track of time. We are in one place and another. And it all feels like one long, inescapable moment. It's just like my mother used to say: The carousel never stops turning. They say we can repress our memories. I wonder if we're just keeping them safe somewhere. Because no matter how painful they are, they are our most valuable possessions. Our lives are built on our mistakes as much as our successes. They made us who we are."_

The book was an overwhelming success. It was about life in the simplest of terms, and it reminded Meredith of how much life she lived in just those nine years. She had never truly lived until she met Derek. He had breathed life into her after her years of not feeling anything.

"Did you know that I was married on a post-it note?" She told Zola.

She gave no outward sign that recognized her daughter. She was lost in her memories. It had been two years. She forgot words, especially medical terms she had known practically since she could talk.

"No I didn't." Zola said. Truly, there were many things she didn't know. She chose not to read her mother's book, only because there were some explicit scenes that she would rather not know about her mother like her sex life with her father.

Meredith hummed. "The sex after getting married was better than the sex before. I couldn't believe it. At the fake prom for the Chief's niece," she giggled, "we snuck off to have sex even though I kind of had a boyfriend and Derek was married. The things he made me feel, oh," she moaned.

Zola was five seconds away from hurling. If there was something she never needed to hear about it was definitely that. She had snippets of memories of her father, and it was hard to reconcile the two images together. "So he was married when you met?"

"I was just a girl in a bar and he was just a guy. From there we had a one night stand, and then we flirted constantly even though he was my boss. I told him to stop staring at me like he had seen me naked, and he told me he had seen me naked." Her eyes were far away.

"God, I think I'm going to need therapy. I've been scarred. I never pictured Daddy to be," she shuddered, "to be well good in bed."

Her eyes cleared up from their haziness, and she realized who she was talking to. "Zo zo, what are you doing here?"

The young woman sighed in relief. As much as she enjoyed hearing stories about her father, there were topics that children never needed to know about their parents. "I'm here to visit you. Ellis is good. She's enjoying her early college experience." The youngest Shepherd was attending Simon's-Rock.

"That's good. How are you?"

"Well I've gotten into medical school at Harvard, Stanford, Yale, Dartmouth, and Hopkins."

The mother beamed at her oldest daughter. She was proud of her girl. "I'm proud of you. Your dad is too." A few tears fell, but she ignored them as she kept her gaze fixated on her baby girl.

"Thank you, I love you mom. I'm scared though that while I'm on the other side of the country, you're going to die." It was a genuine fear of hers.

Meredith sighed as she looked lovingly at her daughter. She had grown into an amazing young woman, and she was proud to have chosen such a brilliant girl to be her family. Zola was always meant to be her baby. "If I die then it's my time to go. I don't want extraordinary measures taken. I want to die naturally. I won't actually die of the disease. It'll be pneumonia or an ulcer or whatever. It'll be normal unlike my previous almost deaths."

"What are we going to do without you?" Zola had finally said what she been thinking. "Mom, we need you."

"Zo," she gave her a small smile. "I know it seems hard, but the three of you will be fine. It'll hurt a lot at first. You won't want to get out of bed at first, but then you will. The pain will lessen over time, and one day it'll only hurt a little. This is the natural order of things. Nana lost her child, your father. It's easier for children to lose their parents because they still have life to live. I've lived my life. Fifty-three years is quite a lot especially when factoring in the patients I've lost who were a lot younger than me."

"Mommy," she whimpered. She felt like a little girl again. "I need you. Who will I talk to when I'm struggling through med school or my internship and residency. Who will be there when I have children of my own?"

Meredith caressed her daughter's face. "Honey, you're the daughter of two doctors. Your father was a genius with the scalpel. You'll learn that it's not as bad as you think it is. You've spent the majority of your life in the hospital. When picking a place to do your internship, find a place where you can see yourself settling in your life. Seattle has always been home. I built a life here. I met your father, and then you guys eventually came along. I want you guys to be happy in life. That's it." Zoe tucked her head into the crook of her mother's neck.

"I promise to take care of Bailey and Ellie. They'll be happy."

The mother kissed her daughter's head. "That's all I want. You guys can do whatever you want, and you won't disappoint me in the slightest. You three are my life, and you guys will be extraordinary. Tell your brother and sister they don't have to become doctors if that's not what they want. Just because it runs in the family doesn't mean they are required to."

"What do you think they are majoring in? Bailey he's eighteen and wants nothing more than to be a surgeon. He wants to specialize in neurosurgery after reading all of dad's stuff. And Ellis wants to follow in the footsteps of her namesake. You raised a bunch of doctors. None of us feel obligated. We want to heal people."

She hugged her daughter closer to herself. Zola was quite independent during her teen years. She couldn't remember the last time her daughter let her hold her this close. Zola had been a daddy's girl and losing her father hurt her. She wasn't exactly closed off like Meredith, but her teen years were hell. Bailey didn't have any tangible memories, and Ellis never even met him.

"They'll call when the time comes. I want to be buried next to your father. I purchased the plot next to his."

The girl sniffled. Her mom was her only living parent left. She was her rock. She raised her and her two siblings all by herself. She was so strong. She was an orphan, a window, a single mother, and a survivor.

"I've got to go. My flight leaves in three hours. I missed class yesterday and today cause I needed to see you."

"You'll be great Zola. You're a Grey and Shepherd. You're my daughter. I love you, your brother, and your sister more than anything. Bye sweetheart."

"Goodbye mom, I love you too. You've been the best mother a kid could ever ask for. I'm glad you and dad chose me to love."

"Me too kiddo." It was a rare day when she was lucid. Zola had come on a good day, and for that she was thankful. Her daughter would never have to see her the way she had seen her mother. Children should never have to see their parents like that.

" _There can be beauty in getting lost. Sometimes we have to get lost to find each other and sometimes we find each other, only to get lost all over again. We can't always control it, the thing that's going to set you adrift. And as you stand there on your front porch staring at the life you are about to leave behind, you have to accept it's gone, it's lost. Just like you. All you can do now is stand very still, breathe in the moment and try to be open to wherever the wind's going to take you next."_

~~~~~MD~~~~~MD~~~~~MD~~~~~MD~~~~~

 _First you both go out your way_

 _And the vibe is feeling strong_

 _And what's small turn to a friendship_

 _A friendship turn to a bond_

 _And that bond will never be broken_

 _The love will never get lost (and the love will never get lost)_

 _And when brotherhood come first_

 _Then the line will never be crossed_

 _Established it on our own_

 _When that line had to be drawn_

 _And that line is what we reach_

 _So remember me when I'm gone (remember me when I'm gone)_

 _How can we not talk about family when family's all that we got?_

 _Everything I went through you were standing there by my side_

 _And now you gon' be with me for the last ride_

She lay in bed. It was nearing her time. She had Stage !V liver cancer. She was barely aware of who she was, and had lost the use of linguistics. She was fifty-four, and she was dying. She was tired.

There were people gathered around her bed, and while mentally she didn't recognize any of them, in her heart she knew who they were.

"Mommy," Ellis cried. Her mom was the only parent she ever had. Without her she was an orphan. She was seventeen. "I love you." She kissed her mother's cheek and grabbed a hand. The doctors said it wouldn't be much longer.

Bailey fidgeted and averted his eyes from his mother's body. He didn't like seeing her laid up in bed. He was nineteen and a sophomore in college. His mom shouldn't be dying yet. "Mom, I promise I'll do my best to be happy. I'm going to try to find a cure for Alzheimer's like dad. I love you a lot. You're a great mother. I read your book. I had to skip some parts because of awkwardness and never wanting to see my mother in that way. I'm glad you'll be reunited with dad." He kissed her head and took hold of her other hand.

Zola did her best not to cry and tried to put up a brave front for her younger siblings. Her first year of med school was in process, and it was going well. She attended the Geisel School of Medicine because going to Dartmouth made her feel closer to her mother. It was something else they had in common. She was walking the same buildings her mother once walked, and it was somewhat easy to picture a young Meredith Grey walking the same campus, sitting in those same classrooms, and going to New York City on weekends. She even visited one of the bars her mom mentioned in the city and found a photo on the wall of her mom in her twenties. It was odd to see her mom so young. But it showed that she had lived.

She took a deep breath before saying her goodbye because this time it was real. "Mama, I don't know what to say. We've been through a lot. You've supported me in everything I've ever done. You went to all my dance recitals and took off work just for parent teacher conferences. It couldn't have been easy raising the three of us and trying to maintain your job as a surgeon, you're my hero. You were super mom. I love you, and thank you for choosing me and loving me. I know you thought you were a bad mom and like your own, but you really weren't. I couldn't have asked for better." She leaned in to kiss her mother's cheek.

Meredith's eyes softly fluttered. She was tired and wanted to sleep, the final one. "It's okay Mer. You've been my person for so long that I forgot that your person left a longtime ago. It's okay to miss him. I'll miss you, but I get it. No time with him was ever enough. He was your person. It was okay to choose."

She groaned. The pain was dull. The drugs made sure she wasn't feeling anything. They wanted her to be comfortable, to make it easy. This was Meredith Grey. Bailey, Karev, and Izzie were gathered outside. They watched the scene unfold with tears streaming down their faces.

"Meredith," he breathed softly. He was as dreamy as ever. He may not have been the sun, but he was her sun. She shined brightest when he was there.

 _Meredith_ , she knew it was important. It had something to do with her. She had listened to all of them talk to her, but she couldn't respond back. She was stuck in her head. She had lost control of her body, her mind, her memories. Essentially, she was already gone.

He gave her a sad smile. "You're the love of my life. I could never leave you. I've been here waiting for you. I never left once. I may not be able to see you when I'm here, but I know when you're there. When you and I are in the same place, I can almost feel you. It's an amazing feeling to be there with you. It feels like I only had moments with you. I had moments, snippets of the life we could've had. Nine years wasn't enough. No time spent with you will ever be enough. I love you, I'm in love with you and I always will be."

"Derek," she smiled softly. Her eyes shined with unshed tears because he was here. She couldn't really see him, but she could feel him there. He was there with her. Finally.

Cristina furrowed her brows and then resolve settled over her features. It was time. Meredith was leaving them. Derek was there with them.

"Daddy, take care of mom for all of us." Zola sobbed. Her daddy was there and she could feel it.

"Zola," he whispered softly as he soaked in the presence of his baby girl. The little baby with spine bifida who smiled and stopped crying just for him. She was there and he was happy. He was as happy as the day he decided she would be theirs. It wasn't goodbye, just a see you again.

~~~~~MD~~~~~MD~~~~~MD~~~~~MD~~~~~

Her heart stopped and Cristina turned off the machines. None of them needed to see her flat lining. They could pretend she was merely sleeping. It was a comfort they all needed.

 _So let the light guide your way, yeah_

 _Hold every memory as you go_

 _And every road you take, will always lead you home, home_

 _It's been a long day without you, my friend_

 _And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again_

 _We've come a long way from where we began_

 _Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again_

 _When I see you again_

Disbelief was written all over her face. "You're here." Her tone was incredulous because she never thought she would see him again. Life experience had taught her that things typically would never go her way, but this was one of those instances where it was finally all hers. He was within her grasp.

Derek couldn't wait any longer. It had been such a longtime since he had last touched her. He stepped forward and took her into his arms, and soaked in her presence. She smelled of lavender and something that was entirely her. He was home. "I'm sorry." He felt the need to apologize. One accident had changed their entire lives. It had redefined everything for them.

She was overemotional and she knew it, but she couldn't help but cry into his chest. "I knew I was going to see you again. I waited." He held her tighter against his body and she let him. "You're here." She marveled at the feeling of him holding her.

"I know," was all he said before he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. "I love you Meredith Grey. Thank you for raising our children to be incredible human beings."

She snuggled into his arms as she nuzzled against his neck. He was finally with her again. "You're the love of my life. I ran, but I couldn't run away from you. Seattle is home. I wasn't going to be my mother. I had to get off the carousel. I restarted but never forgot because I knew I was going to see you again."

He grabbed her hand. "Come on, there's a lot more to see. Mark and Lexie have been waiting, and even your mother wants to see you."

She cracked a smile. "As long as you're with me."

"Always, there's no more staying. Now you're going with me."

"Good cause you dying was the worst break up ever even if I did encourage you to go."

"Come on, let's go. There's nothing left for us here."

Meredith looked around her room and she could feel them. Her children, Cristina, and her friends just outside. They would all be fine. "I'm ready." She was home

 _"You can build a house out of anything, make it as strong as you want. But a home…a home is more fragile. A home is made of the people you fill it with. And the people can be broken, sure, but any surgeon knows what's broken can be mended. What's hurt can be healed. That no matter how dark it gets, the suns going to rise again."_

* * *

 **The stuff from the show was taken from several seasons. The ferryboats was from season 1. A lot of stuff was taken from season 11. The reference to the worst break up ever was from the shooting in season 6. The voice overs came from season 11. The thing about the dream is from episode one in season five. It was kind of foreshadowing in a way since he did die as a result of an accident. I feel like all those voice overs from Meredith's view are part of a book she wrote, and that in the end she will have Alzheimer's like her mother bringing everything back full circle. It sounds cliche, but it** **kind of makes a lot of sense. She's reliving her life like her mother did.**

 **Weirdly enough, I think I'm still going to watch season 12 even though this season has been the most painful to watch. Every major couple is no longer together. All the major ships are done. It sucks, but in the end I have to know how it ends. In the words of Ellis Grey, "the carousel never stops turning".**


End file.
